Hi! I'm a 35 year old solitary witch from England, with interests in angels, crystals, candle magick, herbs, animals and nature. I joined Covenspace in early 2007 and have made some good friends that mean a lot to me.
Music
Everything from goth to rock to classical to new age and everything in between
Movies
Favourite film is The Sixth Sense. I also loved the Lord Of The Rings and Star Wars trilogies but anything thought provoking, original or well written, whether it's sci-fi, drama, horror or comedy
TV
I don't watch much TV but I like documentaries and I love Friends and The Simpsons
Books
My favourite book is Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte. I like the authors Anne Rice, Stephen King and Dan Brown and factual books about history, paranormal, biographies, paganism, healing and spirituality
Violence, hatred, prejudice, ignorance, cruelty to animals
Hobbies
I love reading, watching films, history (especially about ancient Egypt), visiting new places in the UK and abroad, eating out and going on the internet
So today I'm 36 and I feel well enough to celebrate. I've woken up with NO depression! It wasn't a chore to get out of bed. I've even been doing a bit of housework!!! Mark bought me a SAD lamp for my birthday, which is just what I need right now. Broke mine last year so I needed a replacement (desperately!!!!). Also some art stuff because I've been drawing a lot lately - I'm not that good but it helps me feel calm and well.
I'm so glad the dark cloud that's been hanging over me recently has gone away. I feel so pathetic and useless when the depression hits me, especially when I have no "real" reason to feel down, just the chemicals in my brain that don't know how to work properly, d'oh!!! I do know it's an illness just as much as arthritis or diabetes, etc. But I still feel pathetic and annoyed with myself. Anyway, at least I'm OK for now. Gotta get ready for work now.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008, 06:34 AM GMT [General]
Finally Mark's Mom has had the results of the biopsy and it's looking pretty good. They think got out all the cancer. Although there are some cells they "don't like the look of", so they're deciding whether or not to give her chemo, because of her age (obviously chemo really knocks you about) and because apparentely it's a slow growing cancer that she had, so maybe she won't need it.
We found out why Mom's been in so much pain with her back and ribs. Blood tests showed that her cholesterol tablets are producing an enzyme in her liver, which is causing all the pain. I have no idea what that means or even if I said it right, lol. But she's had to stop the cholesterol tablets. Her GP said it's more important for her to be comfortable at her time of life, although her cholesterol levels will probably shoot through the roof now! Her kidneys are functioning well either. She's gotta go for more tests in 8 weeks so they can monitor her.
Dad's the same as ever. The tablets have still been helping his dementia but he's never gonna be "Dad" again, he's not right and he says odd things, but at least he's more alert than he was.
I'm quite tired and low but this is because the mornings are now dark when I wake up and the weather's cold and miserable. Feels more like end of September or October and in my head it's nearly winter, though I know it's really August. I don't like it when I'm like this because I can't feel close to the Goddess or to Spirit, I just feel alone and cut off and un-spiritual (if you know what I mean). I'm too low to feel spiritual. Does that make sense? So when I try to meditate or do my affirmations it doesn't work very well, I can't feel any connection. My head's in the wrong place.
I'm trying to stay positive though. I'm tired and I have no motivation, but I've been able to go to work this week and get on with my job. I'm kind of OK, I've been worse before so I just hope this will pass and I'll be really well again soon. Especially as it's my birthday on Friday and I wanna be happy and enjoy it!!!
Feel better today. Honestly, why can't I be 'normal'? Is that too
much to ask? Yup, I think so. Oh well, at least that episode only
lasted a few days. Even did some meditation and keep fit today, which
is a miracle if you ask me!!! Lol.
Mark's Mom is staying in hospital a bit longer than expected and will probably
come out early next week now, instead of this weekend. She's doing
alright though, slowly getting better.
My old PC has died (RIP, lol) so I've lost all my e-mail addresses, e-mails etc. And
quite a bit of other info too, but thank goodness my music downloads
and photos were on the external hard-drive. So anyone I'm in touch with
off Covenspace, if you wonder why I haven't e-mailed or contacted you, that's the reason. My old PC was a good 6 or 7 years so it did pretty well considering how much I used it.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008, 06:30 AM GMT [General]
Don't feel very well and I'm not going to work today. Feel crap, hate this vile weather too. It's August yet it's dark now when I wake up and it's cold. I've felt my motivation slip away in the past week or so and I haven't been able to hang on to it, though I've been trying.
Also a year ago today my little Reece was put to sleep. At this time a year ago she was dying and I was frantically trying (and failing) to find someone to help me get her to the vet or a taxi firm that were prepared to accept an animal in their cars. I miss Reece.
Mark's Mom's coming out of hospital at the weekend and will probably have chemo in a few weeks. They think the op was a success, but she may have a colostomy bag for the rest of her life and she's not eating or drinking enough at the moment. Still waiting on tests results so we don't know much more than that.
Anyway, I feel depressed, anxious (for no particular reason) and weird (well I am weird, lol) and there's not much else to say. Hope I feel better tomorrow. :-(
Mark's Mom is going back into hospital today and having her operation on Tuesday. Unsure if she'll be having chemo as well, or what's going to happen. We don't know too much at the moment but I expect we'll find out more once she's admitted and also once they've operated and know how much cancer she has. I'd be grateful to anyone who will send healing and energy to give her comfort and strength, and comfort to Mark as well please.
Back to work tomorrow. I had a much needed week away from work and from Mom and Dad, and feel rested and energised (is it possible to feel both at the same time, lol?!!!). Mom and Dad now have help every day with meals, shopping etc, which started last Monday. It's a big weight off my mind. Dad's getting to be more and more of a handful for Mom, as you can imagine. So I'm glad they've got this help now, it'll relieve some of her stress.
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